Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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