he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
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You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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