How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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