i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
