This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
