OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I deserve this hangover.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
