Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
