I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
