Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
