she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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