I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
