at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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