i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize