im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
