I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
