we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
