I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
