Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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