that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
