dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
