Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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