Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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