why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This baby is an asshole
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
