I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
