I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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