then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
