Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
