its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
