shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
