Your tits are I can't wait for
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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