You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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