my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
