I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
