I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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