Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i've created a new STD.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
