Just fell off a train. Bad.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
