There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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