I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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