you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
