At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
