I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
