i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
