Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
