i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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