I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize