Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
