dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
