This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
