Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
