i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You took a bar mat shot.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
