I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
