Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
