been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
