i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
