just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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