I want to have your abortion
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize