pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am available for nakedness
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
