My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
