Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize