My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
