I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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