Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
