Jerry, you need to find god
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
